Chapter 291

He got up and with his hands in his pockets walked towards the door. He then stopped for a moment and turned towards the doctor and asked her, “Can you tell me the time frame when she was first diagnosed with the problem and when you had to do the surgery?” Carissa looked at him and her face had more expressions than one could read. Here eyes were wide with heavy eyelids waiting for a chance to over power her and control them as if a commander is ready to give the order to fire to his squad; yet there was a tings of happiness as if the all the fallen petals of the flower were just happy to see that the bud next it was going to blossom. She wondered why he wants to know about her breast cancer occurrence as it seemed irrelevant now. Akshar didn’t turn towards her and continued to look at the doctor waiting for an answer. The doctor looked at the chart and said “Sometime in February-March I believe” raising her eyebrows wondering why that would matter. Akshar continued and asked, “How about her breast cancer? Around the same time?” Carissa knew now what she had been trying to keep as a secret was out and she got up and said, “Thank you doctor. I guess I will let you know by today evening and I don’t want to keep you from other patients” and tried to leave the room. The doctor understood what was going on and in order to protect the privacy of her patient she said, “I think that would be good and looked at Akshar and said, “Nice meeting you” and shook his hands. He walked out of the room without waiting for Carissa. He almost slammed the door after him and walked out into the parking lot and got into the car and turned the engine on. The radio buzzed along with it and he hardly paid any attention and looked outside onto the street with his memory remembering the things that he had put to rest from the past with Carissa.

The drive back had been totally silent and was horrible for her as she knew better not to ask him anything and give him some space after all the revelations. He walked her to her room and without a word went back to his. She made a couple of phone calls to take care of some things and just as the doctor mentioned she decided to check into the hospital the very next day. But Akshar posed a problem. Especially his silent treatment and she felt suffocated not talking to him. She tried to concentrate on other things and nothing helped so in the end decided to go over to his room and talk to him. She was scared; more scared then the fact that she may not live long on this earth. She had always felt bad to have kept him in the dark, but that was the decision she had to make as she knew he would not leave her if he had ever known the truth and would had spoiled his life. She knocked on his door and to her surprise it was open. He was sitting there flipping the channels of the remote. It looked like he had been doing that for a long time. She sat on the edge of the bed a little away from him and after a few minutes of silence called out his name ”Akshar”. He turned the TV off but didn’t respond. She said, “Is everything …..” and before she could finish the sentence he said in a bitter voice, “How could you? “and paused for a minute. She didn’t know how to respond. He continued, “All this had happened when we were together and you completely kept me in the dark. When you came back from you US photo shoot I asked you why you were alright. You were behaving differently.” He turned towards her and there was pain in his eyes; the pain and scream one could hear when a child is ripped away from it mother. He said, “I loved you. I loved you so much I would have married you no matter what. You thought I would leave you? Or you though I wanted kids and my dreams of having a family would be destroyed if I stayed with you? You were wrong. You are so wrong.” He took a deep breath and she could not keep eye contact with him, it was too hard. He got u and walked over and got something to drink. She couldn’t bring herself to at him as tears had clouded her eyes and she was struggling not to let them out. He said, “We could have adopted a child. We would have had a family then too. “He finished his drink and didn’t even look at her. He said, “Do you know what hurts the most, that you never knew me well enough and you did have trust in my love for you. That! That hurts the most.” She couldn’t contain her tears anymore and they rolled down her cheeks as if they were a hailstorm.

Chapter 290

When the doctor came in, it was clear that things had settled between them and he was holding her hand with assurance. Carissa seemed relaxed and had an expression on her face that indicated that she would rather be with him here than be alone anywhere else. The doctor sat behind her desk and turned to the end of the folder and read something in her mind and looked at both of them. She looked at Akshar and said, "She is a very brave girl with wonderful qualities, one of them is - she is a fighter. She has fought through many things and is still fighting." She looked at Carissa and said "I wish I could say that the fight is over but it is not. This time the ride is going to be tough, very tough as we have two problems" and paused. Akshar looked at her for a long minute and rubbed his hands on hers that he was holding assuring that this time he was there with her. Carissa gave out a deep sigh and closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She had feared this moment as her instincts told her that this time it was going to get worse. She held his hand really tight and looked at the doctor and said with an ironic smile adoring her lips, "Let's see what's going on now. I am sure I have breast cancer to fight, I knew that when I felt the almost invisible lump but let’s see what is the second one - I am not sure what's going on". Akshar looked at her in shock. His face had tightened and his eyes wide with his pupil dilated as if he was looking into the dark, his face not its usual but with a fine line underneath his eyes as if the blood near his eyes were starting to drain. The doctor continued and said, "Well as you had expected it is the reoccurrence of breast cancer on your other breast now, but the good thing is due to your regular periodical screening that is not something to worry about and as it is extremely small and can be just eliminated by simple chemotherapy." Well, that's the good part of it.

The blood had started to drain from his eyes and was slowly spreading to the rest of the parts of his face. He starred at her unable to comprehend how she was handling this and as he had suspected she had something and this time he knew it was cancer. He wanted to be wrong. He was desperately trying to catch up with what was happening and the fact that this was the second occurrence made it more difficult to grasp the things that were happening around him. Looking at him the doctor realized that he needs more than a minute to catch up and offered him a glass of water that was on her table. Carissa looked at Akshar and asked, "Are you okay?" He took a sip of water and started to feel better. It wouldn't have been a shock if she had been diagnosed with cancer, but the fact that it was the second time had thrown him out of loop. The phone rang and after a brief conversation, the doctor excused herself and said, "I will be back in a couple of minutes." Akshar looked at Carissa and said, "When did this all start? Why did you decide to keep him hidden from all this? I would have been there as a friend for support?" She didn't say anything. The doctor came in and said, "Sorry, I had to take care of that. Some patient’s husband was just being irrational and I had to step in." She looked at the chart and continued, "Now for the bad news; I ran a culture once I noticed a small cyst in your right ovary and as I feared it is the same you had in your Uterus that we had to remove eight years ago. But one good thing is, it is not malignant. The bad part is it indicates signs of rapid growth. So I don't want to delay anymore and want to run more tests and clear everything. We might be able to take care of both the problems, but since you have to handle both now and under the circumstances I am not sure how well your body will react. I want you to get admitted tomorrow and I will make all arrangements as I don't want to delay anymore." Neither of them could understand the expression on Akshar's face. It had changed into something else when he had found out for the very first time that she had her uterus removed eight years ago.

Chapter 289

He finally won the argument, which started last night, and he accompanied her to the doctor's office and was waiting to be called. She seemed happy that he was there with her, someone who cares about her enough to be with her yet she didn't want him to know anything more than she had already revealed. She still loved him and the last thing she wanted was to break his heart once more, she already carried the pain of doing so. She remembered what the doctor said during her last visit, "It is not wise for you to come here alone, more than that it is sad that you don't trust anyone to bring them along and to support you. It is a pity with all the fame and money you have, you don't have some one in your life who would be there for you." She knew the doctor was right but she didn't want anyone to know anything and above that she didn't trust anyone. She knew that if there were a single sole on this earth who really cares about her it would be Akshar. But she never though that he would be sitting next to her in spite of all the things that had happened in their life and to be able to let go all that, come here totally surprising her by accompanying her to the doctor. She was not sure if he still loved her but she knew she had a place in his heart and she was just happy about that. He was sitting next to her reading a magazine. She hugged his hand and rested her head on his shoulders peeking into the magazine. He looked at her, sensing that she was a little tense, released his hand and held her around her waist comforting her and continued reading the magazine by holding in the other hand. There was hardly anyone waiting there just two more patients. She wished that many could see her in his arms, she wished that she was married to him and she was his wife and that they were waiting at the gynecologists office for her third trimester checkup. The irony was that she was at an oncologist office waiting to hear if her days are being numbered or if she was lucky enough she could go on with just some medications.

They were called in and she knew the routine, the usual stuff of checking her blood pressure, weight etc. But this time they didn't do anything more than that and she was directly called into the doctors office and asked to wait instead of an examining room as this time it was more about the results than a checkup. The doctor came in and was surprised to see someone with her usually alone patient. Her eyes widened making her compass drawn circle face appear small and she adjusting her reading glasses walked over to him and shook his hands introducing herself. Looked at Carissa and smiled with an expression that said, "You do have someone who cares about you in your life." She took her seat behind her desk and looked at the papers and reports that were inside Carissa's folder, which looked huge. She asked Carissa how she was doing and inquired who Akshar was. When she introduced Akshar, Carissa struggled to explain their relationship. In the end she said, "He is someone whom I can count on, no matter what. Someone who genuinely cares about me". The doctor smiled and said "There are a few things about your health that I would like to discuss and it is up to you decide that if you would like to discuss it alone with me or you would prefer that he stays with you. I pose this question since you have always come alone." Carissa didn't want Akshar to be there but couldn't say anything so she gave a blank look. Akshar turned around and said to Carissa, "You have kept me in the dark for so long. If you believe what you said earlier I think I should be a part of this to help you through what ever you are going through." The doctor got up and said, "I will be back in five minutes". Akshar continued, "I know something is wrong with you and you are in unbelievable pain both physically and mentally. We may not be together, but doesn't change anything and doesn’t change the way I feel about you or care about you. And with all these going on in your life, I wish to be beside you."

Chapter 288

He woke up when the captain announced that they would be landing soon. He turned around and looked at the couple and smiled to himself and straightened his seat and buckled his seatbelt. He looked out the window and it looked nice and calm outside. He knew not to be deceived as Chicago was famous for its wind, hence the name "Windy City". He went back to his past memories, he had dated her for about three months and that had changed him forever. He had learnt so many things from her both about intimacy and life. He remembered reading somewhere that a guy should date someone older, younger, smart and sexy. He had done all that in his life and from every experience he had learned something about it. When he had dated someone younger he realized that he had to be more responsible in life. She also brought out the kid in him. It had been quiet an exhausting experience hence ending the relationship. When he dated someone who was way smarter than he was he struggled with his ego and self-respect but cultivated a passion for various things in life and acquired a thirst for knowledge. But in the end when he realized that he can't deal with it anymore, and was exhausted of competing with her he had ended it. He had an opportunity to date a girl who looked like a "Playboy" model. He was the most famous guy in his neighborhood and among his piers and his friends. Every guy wanted to be in his shoes and he was extremely proud and she had an enormous appetite for sex. But that didn't lost long as the attraction eventually diminished and he came to the realization that it was more than sex that he was looking for and there was nothing between them other than that. But a lot had changed when he dated an older woman. She had made a big impact on his life. He always thought of love as sex and never really was interested in anyone as he looked at life in such a way. But she had taught him sensitivity and with her experience in life he learnt that love is more than that. Love is about sacrifices, compromises, patience and understanding.

He had seen her struggle through her separation, especially when she could let go of her love for her husband. He remembered the very first time when they were together and she had cried the very next day apologizing to him that she had used him as she thought that if she slept with him she would get over her husband, which didn't really work. He remembered the one occasion when he overheard the conversation between her and her husband and realized the connection between them. He knew that she had tried very hard to save their marriage but in the end things didn't really work out. It had ended when she took a job somewhere else and didn't want to continue the relationship. He was not quiet sad that the relationship ended, but was upset that she was leaving. He had a very high respect for her and for then on his interest towards the women he dated changed completely. He didn't look for just physical beauty anymore, but with the realization of many things he wanted someone who had a zest for life. The plane landed with a jerk and gently glided down and came to a complete halt. He didn't bother to wait for the seatbelt sign to turn off and neither did others on the flight. He picked up his luggage from the overhead cabin and joined the others in the line, ready to alight the flight. He thought about Carissa, she was everything he had wanted and now there is a huge mystery surrounding her and he wanted to solve it and with that compulsion he was there in Chicago. He looked at the couple, and the guy and thought about how the older woman from his past had been contributed to him being who he was today and thought to himself that he also learns such good things. He walked out of the vestibule and in a few minutes he was out of the airport and in a cab on his way to the hotel, still contemplating if he should first check in or directly go over to see her.

Chapter 287

She forced a smile on her lips and welcomed him inside. He asked, "Is it a good time? Are you ok? I don't want to intrude. I made some Chinese, so thought of sharing some with you." She welcomed him in and said; "I could really use some company right now. I don't want to be alone. Please so come in and thank you very much for Chinese. I love Chinese food." She took the food from him and walked towards the kitchen asking him to have a seat on the couch. There was hardly any furniture. It was a single bedroom apartment with just one small room and a tiny kitchen and a decent size living room. She had a couch and a couple of chairs and a small coffee table. The eat-in kitchen had a couple of bar stools. A nineteen-inch TV stood opposite to the chairs in the living room. Those were the furniture’s in the room. He took a seat on the couch and turned towards the kitchen to look at her. She didn't show up for a couple of minutes and when she did she had freshened up and looked much better. She took a seat next to him and said, "Thanks for the food. I was in no mood to cook or eat today. But I guess I have to eat now." and smiled. He looked at her and said, "Well I am not such a bad cook. You don't force yourself to eat it but I think you will enjoy it if you have an appetite. I hope you re not allergic to shrimps." She broke into tears and he didn't know what to do and wasn't sure if it was something he said. He moved closer and hugged her hoping to make her feel better and secretly enjoyed the closeness with her in his arms. She felt comfort in his arms and apologized again and said, "I am sorry you have to see me like this. It is just that today is my wedding anniversary and it has been seven months since we have been separated. When you said shrimp it remained me of the time he proposed to me and I almost choked on the piece of shrimp I was eating and it was exactly the same food you have prepared, "Chinese shrimp noodles".

He sat there as she walked away not knowing what to say to comfort her. When she came back she had a bottle of wine in her hand and a couple of glasses. She asked him, "Would you care for a drink?" He nodded and she poured some in a glass and handed it over to him. "You know something, enough is enough? I am not going to spend this day thinking about my past. Past is in my past and it is time for me to look forward for my future and I am sorry for all this. If I haven't scared you so far, would you like to join me for dinner, we can eat the dish you prepared together." She raised the glass and said, “To the future". He joined her and by the time they were ready to have dinner, they had finished a couple of bottles of wine and were cuddled on the couch watching some stand-up comedy and laughing out loud. He knew she was vulnerable and being used to quiet a few rounds of alcohol he was still in his senses and tried to stay away from her, as he didn't trust himself and knew he would feel guilty if he took advantage of her even though every neuron in his brain cell told him to kiss her. He excused himself and went to the restroom and applied some cold water on his face and tried not to picture her naked especially when he saw her bikini hanging in there. He took a deep breath and walked out not knowing what he was going to do when he looks at her; she was at the dining table tasting his food. He stood there frozen and he could feel something was happening inside him. She sipped some wine and walked towards him and said, "I hope you are as delicious as the shrimp" and grabbed him and kissed him. He realized that the tiny neurons have taken over his senses and there was not much he could do anymore and gave in completely, discovering the wilderness of his adulthood with someone more experienced than him guiding him and walking him through the clouds with fireworks sparkling showing the way to heaven and little that he knew nor he cared that he was being used.

Chapter 286

It all happened when he had just graduated from college, and was in his first job, his first apartment sharing it with a couple of his friends as it was not possible to afford one with his salary. He almost knew all the guests living in the building as most of them were wither old whom he and his friends used to help by carrying their groceries up to their apartment or they had kids who ran up and down making a lot of noise. In emergencies they had to even baby sit which was quiet profitable. Neither of them was home on weekends and their room was always locked and given their age everyone knew they are either partying or hanging out with their girl friends. They were quiet happy that they never threw a party there and the noise and the crowd would have been a pain for everyone. Winter was the worst part of it all. As it if were written some old man or lady either got hospitalized or died in winter and the guests were crowded and parked on the parking lots that they had cleaned. Within a couple of months someone always moved in and life went on as usual.

In one such occasion, someone moved in to the apartment directly opposite to his. It looked like she was alone, hardly had any luggage, just a couple of boxes. She was roughly ten years older than he was looked very professional and had a great dress sense. She was tall and lean, with brown wavy hair dangling just above her shoulders, with red heart shaped earrings that looked as if they were glued to her ears with a matching pendant adoring her slender sleek neck. She had long legs that were quiet strong indicating that she walks a lot. Her face indicated her age and the circles around her eyes were apparent that she probably spent many sleepless nights. Her bags slipped out of her hands while she struggled to open the door with the key and in frustration dropped everything and concentrated on opening the door. He heard some noise and peeked through the window and hardly got a glimpse of her. He was busy cooking and didn’t bother to come out to see who that was and continued with his work.

Three days later he ran into her when he was leaving for work. He introduced himself and greeted her. He let her walk down the stairs first as she was also leaving for work. He started a conversation and found out that she was taking the same bus as he was but they were getting down at different stops. She was somewhat friendly which gave him a sense of uneasiness but he liked her. He observed the mark on her finger where there used to be a wedding ring, and the expression on her face and the way she conversed all indicated that she was not happy. He felt sad. He felt pity for her and wanted to help her feel better as it was apparent that she was in lot of mental pain which reflected through her eyes. She had sparky eyes; beautiful fish shaped black eyes that gave her a personality and sophistication. She seemed to a little shy in general and he was thinking about her even after he had gotten of the bus and sitting at his desk working. He thought about her while cooking and he often peeked through his window to see if she was there. He was completely drawn to her after the first time he met even though they hardly spoke anything. This continued for weeks and all they met were at the bus stop and smiled at each other and went their separate ways. The more distant she was the more attracted he felt. As he was a good cook, he cooked some Chinese food, packed it up nicely and walked over to her apartment and knocked on her door. It took her almost five minutes to open the door, and her face looked a little swollen, her eyes sunken in and her lips adorned an artificial smile. It looked like she had been crying.